Love of the Unlovable?
by WritingtheWrong
Summary: Dealing with the aftermath of Quaratine. McKay has to deal with losing Katie. But can someone ignore their true nature and become something he believes others want. Not McBrown
1. Chapter 1

Possible spoilers from Season One to Four and definately for "Quarantine"

Kudos to the writers, producers and actors of SGA. I am but a lowly bug feeding on your greatness and am therefore easily squashed. I mean no harm - pity me, that I have to play with your toys and have none of my own.

Summary: Dealing with the aftermath of Quarantine. McKay has to come to terms with losing Katie, someone he thought he loved. But can someone turn their back on their true nature and become something that he believes others want.

Love of the Unlovable?

Rodney McKay walked into his quarters, the doors quietly sliding shut behind him. He sat heavily on the bed, his hand digging into his pocket and pulling out the ring box; he flipped the lid and looked at the ring held within. With a heavy sigh, he closed the lid and placed the box on the edge of his desk, leaning his elbows on his knees he hid his face in his hands.

He dropped his hands from his face, coming to a decision. He moved to his desk and powered up his laptop, quickly gaining entrance to the email program, and then he paused. He logged out of the system and lowered the lid of the laptop, pushing it to one side. He snagged a handful of paper from his printer, and then rummaged around his desk drawers for a pen.

_Dear Jeanie_

_How are you?_

_I'm not so good. That's why I'm writing you this letter instead of sending you an email; I just can't deal with a reply just yet. Guess I still need time to wallow in my self-pity. (No change there then)_

_Yes, you guessed it; I have completely screwed things up again. No, I haven't blown anything up, I've just managed to make a dog's breakfast of my life - again._

_I eventually got the nerve up to ask Katie Brown to marry me, don't get your hopes up, I didn't actually ask the question._

_Atlantis went into an automatic quarantine lockdown, I got trapped in the Botany lab with Katie, no radio, no laptop, nothing. I couldn't do anything; nothing major runs through or behind the lab, so I couldn't rip a panel out, even if I had the right tools. _

_So, I did what I always do when my brain isn't required - I despaired. I even imagined I was getting sick, honestly, chills, fever, throat starting to close. All in front of Katie. What a loser. (Me that is, not Katie)._

_Turns out the lockdown was prompted by solar activity, nothing to do with some rampant disease._

_I lost her Jeanie, all thanks to my negativity, my inadequacies, my stupidly. I went to see her after I fixed the system; I apologized, asked for a rain check on our interrupted lunch. She was sweet about it, like she always is, but she ended it._

_I loved her Jeanie, truly and honestly I loved her - still love her. But it wasn't enough, was it? She was, is, this warm, sweet caring soul, who noticed me, me! I thought she had seen every side of me, and she still cared for me. But I was wrong - wasn't I? Perhaps I held my true self back when I was with her, perhaps her kind and gentle nature brought something good out of me and I was different when I was with her. God, she must have been so disappointed when she finally saw the real me._

_Why aren't I more like you Jeanie? We had the same parents, the same up bringing. Why am I this dreadful human being? I'm petty, vindictive, jealous, arrogant, and egotistical. You aren't. Why did you get all the goodness?_

_When "Rod" made an appearance and everyone preferred him to me, even you, it cut me to my soul. I was consumed by jealously, Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, you, you all saw a version of me that was still a genius, but tempered by humanity. Where did I go wrong Jeanie? Why did I become such a jackass?_

_I thought that experience had started to change me, and when I had that accident with the Ancient device and started to evolve, but ended up nearly dying, I thought I had learnt something from that too. That I had become a better person, that I understood what I was like and what I needed to do to change._

_But I haven't changed - I'm still the despairing coward. _

_Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, have all tried to teach me combat and survival skills, they are constantly trying to get me in the gym, but I always managed to avoid it._

_Every time we step through the gate, I endanger them. Why have I only just realized that?_

_I whine, I moan, I bitch about everything when we're off world - I see the looks on their faces. The frustration and annoyance with my constant whining - it never bothered me before, because my intelligence helped get them out of practically every situation we found ourselves in. They needed me, so they had to put up with me, regardless of the fact that I no idea how to defend myself, to back them up._

_But over the years, I felt they came to know me. Particularly Sheppard and Teyla, they both seem to have a way of looking beyond the obvious. They seemed to see something in me that I couldn't. That I was worthy of their time and effort in making friends._

_I thought we were friends, that we were close-knit. But I've started to doubt myself. Nothing seems clear anymore Jeanie. I thought Katie loved me, that even though I made a complete ass of myself, I thought that we could move on, rebuild our relationship. But she let me go; I behaved so badly that she couldn't give our relationship another chance._

_I fear I've misread Sheppard and Teyla and even Ronon. That what we have isn't friendship. I don't know what to think anymore. I have never had friends before, not true friends. God, I miss Carson. Oh my god, Carson. What a friend I was to him. I, god, I killed him. A true friend would have gone fishing with him, as promised. But no, I wiggled my way out of it. And he died, because I was such a lousy friend. If I kept my promise, he would never have been in danger, he would never have died._

_I should have learnt when I was sent to Siberia. They hated my guts, but they needed me, my brain. They pampered, flattered, and stroked my ego and I gave them exactly what they wanted, but they didn't realize that I learnt the language. They always spoke freely in Russian, assuming I couldn't understand it and what they had to say - hurt, I thought I was friendly with one or two of the other scientists, but they were my biggest scorners. So instead of taking heed of what they said, I hid behind more hostility and arrogance._

_How do you do it Jeanie? How do you know when people are honest with you? I never had the opportunity to learn, I never had friends my own age, never. I skipped through grades like a stone skipping over water. I mean, I graduated high school at fourteen; I had my first degree by eighteen. I know how the universe works, but I can't tell a friend from a foe. How did you turn out be such a wonderful person? _

_I don't want to be like this anymore. Surely, I'm not a total loss, there's some part of me that's redeemable. People change all the time - don't they? I'm an intelligent person, I can figure it out._

_I just want someone to love me Jeanie. Truly and utterly love me. I want to have someone to love, someone to cherish, to make them smile, to hug them, to walk along holding hands. To go out for meals with our friends, to laugh and enjoy the night together._

_To be honest Jeanie, I just want someone to like me; maybe love is taking it too far._

_I would so love to have just a little of what you have Jeanie. Just a little._

"Zelenka to McKay"

The sudden voice in his ear startled him.

"Zelenka to McKay, come in please"

He put down the pen and tapped his earpiece.

"McKay," he answered

"Rodney, "he heard Zelenka sigh, "I need your help, I cannot re-initialize quarantine back-up files."

Rodney felt the familiar surge of smugness run through him. He quashed it, hard and fast. No, no more. He was a genius he was capable of learning. He could learn the necessary social skills to make friends, to be likeable, to be more then just the brain.

"Not a problem Radek," he replied. "Where are you?"

"I am in Lab 3," Zelenka replied, his voice sounding slightly startled.

"Be there in ten."

Rodney looked down at the letter, he knew he wouldn't send it to Jeanie, it revealed too much of his inner turmoil. It was just something he needed to do, something to help understand the emptiness he felt over losing Katie, something to help guide him in the right direction.

He stood and walked to his quarters door, time to start being likeable, so that one day he might even be loveable.


	2. Chapter 2

_When the going gets Tough_

_**Six weeks later**_

Major Evan Lorne sat at the back of the mess hall sipping his coffee. He had just finished having lunch with his team, who had all promptly disappeared after finishing their meals. Lorne had lingered hoping to put off the dreaded report writing just a while longer.

He spotted McKay walking into the mess hall, head down, shoulders hunched over, tapping away on his pc tablet. McKay paused long enough to snag the tablet under his arm, pile a tray full of food and then with food tray in one had and his tablet precariously perched over his other arm, held in place by his fingertips so that he could read it, walked towards the table at the end of the hall where Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon sat eating their lunch.

Lorne couldn't help but smile as McKay walked head down, food tray dipping dangerously low, frowning at whatever was on the tablet, towards his teams table as every other person in the mess stepped out of his way; it was like watching the parting of the Red Sea.

McKay reached the table, put the tray down and slide into the seat next to Sheppard; he picked up his fork and started to eat, all the while frowning at the tablet. Lorne saw Sheppard speak to McKay, who didn't respond, Sheppard then punched McKay in the arm, grabbing his attention. Words were exchanged and then McKay pushed the tablet away and started to interact with his team.

Lorne had thought that nothing in both known galaxies could surprise him after what he had witness at SGC and then on Atlantis, but the man that he had just watched walked across the mess hall had surprised the life out of him and impressed the hell out of him too.

McKay had shown up one morning, about six weeks ago, asking to join in the morning training session that Lorne ran. A mandatory requirement for all military personnel on Atlantis was a daily exercise session. Lorne had looked at McKay in shock. Granted the training session was tame to what the soldiers had gone through in their respective boot camps. However, there stood McKay saying he wanted to join in.

Lorne had agreed, he still didn't understand why he allowed it, but he had. He knew McKay would whine through the whole thing, but Lorne was confident that McKay wouldn't last long. And that's when he got his second surprise. McKay did everything the soldiers did. Star jumps, sit-ups, press-up, pull-ups, everything. Lorne had seen him struggle, but McKay didn't quit, he got further and further behind with each exercise, but never skipped anything he missed. He was still struggling with the pull-ups when the soldiers had finished their five mile run.

Lorne had figured it would end there. McKay had done well, but he was a total wreck, he was shaking from exhaustion, and his black t-shirt was soaked with sweat. But McKay asked the route of the five mile run and told Lorne he didn't need to stay if he had other duties. Lorne had taken it as a face saving excuse and agreed with McKay that he had other things to do, assuming McKay would forgo the run. McKay hadn't.

Practically everyday for the next six weeks McKay had turned up at 0500 hours for the training session, the first week he got slower and slower, but he never quit. Lorne had told him to quit, he was doing too much. But McKay's only reply was silence and he continued to turn up.

Lorne had despaired during the second week, McKay was obviously in pain, but not one word of complaint was uttered. Lorne truly believed that he would have to explain to Sheppard how he had allowed the chief scientist to drop dead from exhaustion. But McKay wouldn't quit. He had simply pointed out a flaw in Lorne's reasoning; every new recruit, in whatever branch of the military they found themselves in, had to do this and more on a daily basis to get them fit. Lorne had to acknowledge that McKay was right. This was Hell Week, or in McKay's case, Hell Week part II.

But by the third week, McKay started to improve and by the fourth week he was keeping up with the rest and impressing the hell out of not just Lorne, but the rest of the military contingent.

Lorne took a sip of his now cold coffee, watching Sheppard's team laugh. Yes, McKay had surprised him. He had always known that was something more to McKay then the arrogant, egotistical man he showed. Lorne had seen many of his comrade-in-arms build walls around themselves to protect themselves, to carry on getting the job done, to get through another day.

McKay's intelligence made you assume that he was privileged and had always been so, but Lorne didn't think so, he reckoned that McKay's genius status had been more of a curse then a blessing growing up. McKay had grown a hard outer shell to protect himself. Lorne knew Sheppard had seen it too, as had Teyla and Ronon and when McKay would inadvertently reveal a part of his true self, they had leapt on it, had nurtured it and encouraged it.

Sheppard was the only person, apart from the late Doctor Beckett, that Lorne had seen that could handle McKay. Sheppard knew when to stroke the ego, knew when to let McKay boast, but he also knew had to calm McKay, with a touch or a word, to keep him focused.

McKay was not the same person he had been when he first stepped foot on Atlantis, far from it and it nagged at Lorne that McKay had felt the need to compete with the soldiers, to be military fit. Sheppard would never have allowed McKay to stay on the team if he couldn't keep up. No, there was something else to it, something deeper.

He saw Sheppard's team push back their chairs, ready to go. McKay trotting round the other side of the table to help Teyla rise with an offered hand and a gentleman's bow. Teyla laughingly taking the hand.

The four walked out of the mess hall, McKay with Teyla's arm tucked through his, Sheppard and Ronon following somewhat sheepishly behind.

Lorne drained his cold coffee. No, the more he thought about it, the more something nagged and pulled at the back of his mind. McKay was fit and trim, still a little soft around the middle, but another few weeks and he would be showing off a fine set of abs, and he'd stopped hunching so much. Lorne had been surprised by McKay's actual height, he was taller then he looked. McKay always seemed to be hunched over something, the damn tablet that was always attached to his arm, some control panel, a laptop, a piece of Ancient technology.

Lorne walked out of the mess hall, his mind still searching for the elusive source of his nagging unease. McKay was walking down the hallway back towards the control room, the hallway was busy with personnel going to or coming back from lunch and that's when it hit him. As people walked down the hallway they greeted McKay, and McKay acknowledged every single greeting with a nod of his head and astonishingly, the person's name.

That's what had been so wrong. In the last six weeks McKay hadn't moaned or whined about anything during the training sessions, he just gritted his teeth and got on with it and he knew every single one of the soldier's names, first and last.

Lorne walked down the hallway towards his waiting paperwork, his gut clenching. McKay had dropped the arrogance, the sarcasm; he was making an effort to get to know people. Lorne didn't like it one little bit, because he knew, he knew without a doubt, that this wasn't the real McKay. This wasn't the McKay he had fought long and hard to be friends with.

This McKay smiled way too much, took time to remember your name, acknowledge your existence. This McKay was …. nice.

So why did it feel so wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

_When X equals Y doesn't make Zed_

Doctor Radek Zelenka stared open mouthed as Rodney McKay, not only thanked Doctor Keller, but complimented her on her stitching technique, as he jumped off the bed putting is jacket back on, covering up the bandage on his forearm.

"Radek? You okay?" McKay asked. Zelenka could feel his hand on his shoulder and the worried frown on his face, but for the life of him, he couldn't stop starring.

He had known something was wrong for sometime, it had started not long after the enforced lockdown. McKay had seemed drained of energy, never getting to the labs until nearly mid-morning. McKay had looked positively ill and had winced every time he moved. Zelenka had urged him to go to the infirmary, something that usually didn't take a second prompting. But McKay had shrugged of the concern and Zelenka had relaxed when by the third week when McKay seemed back to his normal self, if slightly thinner.

However, Zelenka had been wrong; McKay wasn't back to normal, far from it. It had taken him another week to realize that McKay hadn't raised his voice once in temper, hadn't demeaned a colleague, nor made any sarcastic remarks to anyone. McKay had been polite, helpful and supportive.

It was nice, the atmosphere in the labs was relaxed and happy and it was all wrong, wrong, wrong.

It had taken McKay to act so out of the ordinary for Zelenka to understand how much he had depended on McKay.

McKay, the real one, was crass, rude, arrogant, demanding and demeaning, but he was also truthful, yes at times it would be nice if McKay could have made the truth less hurtful. But he didn't, he had no filter for lying. What McKay thought came right out of his mouth, and having to work with all this on a daily basis had made Zelenka a better scientist and had gained him a very good friend.

McKay really was a unique genius. He could be arguing with you over the dynamics of quantum variations, but another part of his brain would be working on an idea the argument had sparked. Then just as soon as it had started, the argument had finished as McKay had formulated the idea, run through several possible outcomes, snapped his fingers at you several times and smiled as he zoomed across the lab to show you his hypothesis. You were left hanging, the disagreement already forgotten by McKay as he excitedly showed off his new idea, which would cause another argument.

Zelenka had struggled to keep up with McKay when they had first arrived in Atlantis. McKay zigging and zagging from one idea to another, discounting theories others hadn't even started to formulate. Coping with the irritation of always being assumed you were wrong and never, ever winning an argument, not because McKay had won it, he had just moved on to something else.

Zelenka had been use to working at his own pace in a nice secure lab. McKay had taught him how to think faster, put ideas out in the open, feasible or not. To take chances, to think two steps ahead and Zelenka had learnt, he had become proud of the fact that McKay searched him out when he needed a sounding board and that McKay had demanded him as his second in command. McKay had done it without a hint of kindness or a generous word. But then actions speak louder than words.

And now this. They had been running diagnostics on one of the jumpers, when one of the marines, who was helping to unload a jumper recently returned from an off-world trading agreement, had suddenly snapped. Backing away from the jumpers, yelling and screaming that the Wraith had invaded, his fellow marines had tried to calm him down, moving toward him, slow and cautious.

Zelenka had walked out of the jumper at the sound of the commotion to see what was going on, McKay had lagged behind as he maneuvered his way through laptops and cables on the jumper floor.

The marine was backing away from the others; he had almost passed their jumper when he looked across at Zelenka. The marines eyes widen, screaming Wraith at the top of his voice, he pulled the biggest knife Zelenka had ever seen and charged at him. Zelenka was suddenly pulled backwards, landing hard on the jumper floor, his head colliding with one of the laptops, the marine was tackled to the floor by …….McKay, in the ensuing struggle McKay had received a cut to his forearm, blood pouring down his arm.

McKay had gotten control of the knife just as the other marines reached him. A marine had passed a field dressing to McKay, who calmly and efficiently wrapped his arm.

The whole thing had taken seconds.

Zelenka was helped to his feet by McKay who said something that sound like infirmary, indicating his arm and had turned and walked away. Zelenka had blindly followed.

Dr Keller had looked at the wound, deep but nothing too serious and had started to cleanse and stitch it. McKay asking after the marine and then telling Keller what had happened, straightforward, no boasting, just the unblemished truth.

Zelenka had just stared. Stared at the wound, stared at McKay. His brain couldn't comprehend the information it was receiving.

It wasn't that McKay had saved the day; he had a habit of doing that. Or that he had put himself in danger to save another, he had a habit of doing that as well. It was the attitude, the laughing, the joking, the making conversation as your arm was stitched up without a word of complaint. Zelenka's mind raced, doppelganger? Alien infestation? Robot? The man that stood in front of him was a copy, it had no depth. It was pale in comparison to the original. It existed, it did not live.

Zelenka blinked, focusing on McKay.

"I miss you Rodney," he whispered.

"Radek, I'm right in front of you," McKay smiled, before frowning again as Radek felt his legs give out and McKay grabbing him, easing him to the floor, calling back the doctor.

"Concussion" he heard Keller say.

He grabbed a fist full of McKay's jacket. "You're not the real McKay," he said, before blacking out.

He missed the look of utter wretchedness on McKay's face.


	4. Chapter 4

_Warning: Spoilers for SG1 Seasons 6 and beyond_

_If it moves, shoot it_

Colonel Samantha Carter had known Rodney McKay before anyone else on Atlantis. She had met him years before, and she had hated him. He had been a smug, self-important jackass that had condemned Teal'c to death. While she and the rest of the SGC had tried desperately to find a solution, McKay had just gotten in the way, arguing against every idea.

She had punished him for it, in a way. She had recommended him for the job in Russia. The Air Force needed someone to help the Russians with their naquda generator program and so they sent McKay. Sam's recommendation had been the icing on the cake.

She hadn't known, in truth, she hadn't cared what happened to McKay after he left the SGC, but they had had to call on him when Anubis had tried to overload the Stargate. She had dreaded having to work with him again, but she had been surprised. He was still abrasive and arrogant, but he had made a real effort to connect with her and he had shown a surprisingly good sense of humor. She had started to like him.

She had started to read his reports on the naquda generators he was developing for the Russians. His work was impressive and inspiring. She had been ashamed to find out that the lab he was working in was in the middle of a huge military installation in the middle of Siberia. There was nothing else for miles around, a sensible precaution when dealing with naquda, but McKay had been the only foreign scientist assigned there and his personnel records showed no Russian language skills. She had felt guilty that she had been instrumental in sending him into exile.

Every time they had met after that, she had grown to like him more. He had changed so much from that hated jackass she first met over six years ago and when she had first seen him walk through the Stargate with his team, it had taken her a moment to recognize him. It seemed odd to see him carrying a P90 and with a confidence that made it clear the gun wasn't there just for show.

She looked down at the report on her desk regarding yesterday's events in the jumper bay.

Sergeant Franklin was a well liked member of the military, one of the original expedition team; he had seen and done much to help defend Atlantis and her inhabitants. He was not a man prone to hysteria or who jumped at shadows. His apparent breakdown had lowered moral amongst the military.

Dr. Keller's medical report made grim reading, a scan had revealed a large brain tumor, explaining Franklin's behavior, but the tumor was inoperable and Franklin's life expectance was short.

Carter turned her attention to the incident report, reading each statement given by all those in the jumper bay at the time. All but two said the same thing. Franklin had started to hallucinate; others had tried to calm him as he backed way from them. As he passed Dr. Zelenka, he had pulled a knife and rushed to attack him. Zelenka disappeared into the back of the jumper he was working on. Dr. McKay appeared, tackling Franklin to the ground and attempted to disarm him. McKay had gained procession of the knife just as the rest of the marines got to the jumper. McKay had been slightly wounded in the altercation.

Only McKay and Zelenka's statements were different, as expected. But they differed from each other's wildly. Zelenka stated that McKay had pulled him out of harms way and had then tackled the marine to the floor, wrestling for procession of the knife.

McKay stated that Zelenka had backed into the jumper, falling backwards over some cables. McKay in his rush to see what was going on, fell over Zelenka and fell straight onto the enraged marine. The timely intervention of the other marines saved him and Zelenka from serious harm.

Carter snapped the file shut. McKay was becoming the bane of her existence, she had had off the record chats, on the record complaints, she had become privy to rumors and whispers, all concerning her Chief Science Officer. She ignored the rumors, she ignored the complaints, she always received those regarding McKay, always from the newest batch of scientists fresh from Earth, but she couldn't ignore the concerns of those who had sought her out for an informal chat, particularly the one from the second in command of the science personnel.

It was time to talk to the one person in Atlantis who would have noticed such apparent drastic changes in one Dr. Rodney McKay.

SGASGASGASGASGASGA

"Colonel. Colonel Sheppard."

Sheppard looked round as he heard his name, seeing Zelenka trotting up the corridor towards him.

"Hey Radek," he greeted. "How's the head?"

Zelenka stopped in front of Sheppard, his hand unconsciously rising to his head. "Oh, um, it is fine," he answered, dropping his hand. "Colonel I need to speak with you."

"Now?" Sheppard queried.

"Yes, yes, is very important," Zelenka replied. He cast a quick look around him, moving towards the wall of the corridor, his hand snagged Sheppard's sleeve, tugging at it to get Sheppard to follow. "It is about Rodney," Zelenka said quietly, giving the corridor another look up and down.

"Rodney?" Sheppard asked.

"About what happened yesterday," Zelenka nodded.

"Doc Keller tell you about Franklin?" Sheppard asked. "The marine who attacked you?"

"Yes, yes," Zelenka said. "It couldn't have been known. Poor man."

There was silence of a moment.

"Yesterday was last straw," Zelenka said breaking the silence.

"Last straw?" Sheppard queried, wishing Zelenka would get to the point.

"With Rodney."

"With R…, I don't know what you mean," Sheppard said in exasperation.

Zelenka frowned at Sheppard. "You have not noticed? How can you not have seen? You are his best friend, yes. You eat lunch together everyday. You must have noticed something?" he questioned, his voice rising with each question.

It was Sheppard's turn to frown. "With Rodney? Look Radek, I know he's been a bit quieter lately, but he's been going through a rough patch, he'll snap out of it."

Zelenka looked at Sheppard with astonishment. "A bit quite? I, I ….I do not think you are right person to speak to. I thought ….." Zelenka stumbled to a stop. He leant against the corridor wall with a heavy sigh.

"Radek," Sheppard said. "What's going on?" A feeling of dread had started to form in the pit of his stomach.

Zelenka looked up at Sheppard. "After we had quarantine fiasco, Rodney started to change. He came into lab late, he was always tired. You could see he was in pain, but he would try to hide it. I tried to get him to see doctor, but he would say no." Zelenka explained, he looked back down at the corridor floor.

"And …." Sheppard prompted when Zelenka remained silent.

"And then things returned to normal," Zelenka said, the feeling of dread started to lift from Sheppard's stomach, returning with a thud when Zelenka continued. "Or so I thought. It suddenly occurred to me that Rodney had not raised his voice once in temper since the lockdown. He berated no one. He became helpful, attentive …_," _Zelenka ground to a stop.

"Hey Radek, its okay …" Sheppard started to say. Zelenka sprung from the wall.

"No, no, it's not okay_,"_ Zelenka suddenly shouted, "It is not okay," he repeated quietly. "I am losing my friend; there is no ego, no sarcasm. Some say it is nice, but it is not. Rodney has saved this city repeatedly. With you out on missions, how many times have you asked him to do the impossible?"

Zelenka paused, looking at Sheppard. He didn't wait for a reply.

"Rodney understands Ancient and Wraith, he can connect Earth technology to each, he can connect all three together." Zelenka waved his hands around him. "Atlantis speaks to him, he understands her. He is a brilliant man. But that brilliance does not come with nice personality. He yells, he argues, he belittles and we work harder and faster. We all learn to work better, to be better. It is his ego, his arrogance that makes him think of impossible solutions and to make them work."

Zelenka slumped back against the wall. He looked at Sheppard sadly.

"Have you not missed him?" he asked.

"Radek, Rodney's changed since we came here, he's lea …..."

"Yes, yes, I know." Zelenka snapped. "He has learnt more …social skills. He has leant that he does not have to boast to us. He has learnt to be a solider, yes. He was leant that he is strong inside. He is a good man. Many of us have always seen this; otherwise, we would not be his friends. We have put up with his sarcasm and ego, because we see deeper."

Zelenka pushed back off the wall, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

"This man, who tries to be nice all the time, it is not Rodney. It is not something that Rodney can become in less than two months. He has forced himself to become this man. Do you not see Colonel? We, his friends, we are failing him."

It was Sheppard's turn to look up and down the corridor to make sure no one else was in earshot.

"Look Radek," he said quietly. "Rodney … look … he ….um… look what I'm going to tell you is private okay, you don't tell anyone."

Zelenka nodded his agreement.

"Rodney asked Katie Brown to marry him," Sheppard all but whispered. "Rodney was a bit of an ass when they got locked in together, bottom line, they broke up. I just think that this whole …. phase … he's going through is just him working through all this," Sheppard explained.

Zelenka frowned. "No Colonel, it is more than that," Zelenka disagreed. "We have all been hurt by love. We have all suffered humiliation and embarrassment, Rodney more than most. He is not trying to mend a broken heart. He is trying to be something he cannot be."

"Radek, I'm sorry, I think you're wrong." Sheppard said. "Rodney's hurting. It's his way of dealing with what happened. Give him some more time; he'll soon be back to his normal lovable self."

Zelenka looked at Sheppard with a mixture of astonishment and disappointment.

"Radek look, I'll talk to him, make sure he's doing okay," Sheppard promised, the feeling of dread still curling in his gut.

Zelenka didn't look happy with the suggestion. "If that is best you can do, it will have to do," he said quietly. "I must go I have work to do." He took off down the corridor without a backwards glance.

The whole conversation disturbed Sheppard. He had had to search McKay out after everything calmed down after the lockdown, when he asked how it had gone, the look on McKay's face told Sheppard all he had needed to know. He had got McKay well and truly drunk, the whole story coming out in bits and pieces over the course of the evening. He knew McKay was hurting and had given him some space to get his emotions under control.

Sheppard had meant to keep a closer eye on McKay, but things had just got busy. With nothing much to do to keep them out of mischief, Sheppard had put the military to work. Extra weapons training, hand-to-hand combat, jumper-flying lessons, drills, you name it, Sheppard had thought of it. There were also performance reviews and stacks of files to go through to replace members of the military that had been lost or transferred back to Earth.

Sheppard had insisted that the entire team meet for lunch every day; they had even had several off-world missions, minus Teyla. All had gone off without a hitch, no irate natives, no injuries, no Wraith and he had never noticed anything out of place with McKay. Yes, he was quieter, but he had expected that. He knew what it cost McKay to propose, to put aside all his doubts, his nervousness and hand his trust and emotions to another. Then to have it so utterly fail, by McKay's own hand, had been a hard blow. It had made McKay have to deal with another aspect of his personality, to deal with another wall he had put up between himself and the world and Sheppard could understand McKay needing some time to sort things out.

But, was Zelenka right? Was McKay trying to become something he thought others wanted him to be? Had it become more than just a man healing a broken heart?

Sheppard walked down the corridor with a determined stride. He would get this meeting with Carter out of the way and then he would find McKay, put Zelenka's mind at ease, get everything back to normal. Piece of cake.


	5. Chapter 5

_Guns and Science do mix_

"Colonel"

"Colonel," Sam replied with a smile. "Take a seat John."

Sheppard pulled out a chair and sat. Cater fiddle with some files before looking up at Sheppard.

"John, have you noticed any behavioral changes in McKay over the last few weeks?" Carter asked bluntly.

Sheppard looked at Carter with astonishment.

"What is this? Some sort of conspiracy?" Sheppard asked, anger coloring his reply.

"Conspiracy?" Carter questioned.

"Zelenka just stopped me on the way here. Asked the same thing," Sheppard replied.

"Ah."

"Look Sam, Rodney's going through a rough patch right now. He just needs some time to work through some things. I told Zelenka the same thing. Just give the guy some space," Sheppard all but snapped.

"John, it's not just Zelenka," Sam said.

"What do you mean?"

"Zelenka has come to me with concerns over Rodney's recent behavior, so has Major Lorne, most of Rodney's original science team who are still here …"

"What the hell!" Sheppard exclaimed, pushing his chair back and standing up. "What is it with everyone? They moan and bitch because McKay is rude and arrogant and the moment he isn't they come running to the boss …. It's a crock of shit and you know it," Sheppard snapped out.

"It's more than that John," Carter replied calmly. "You read McKay's report regarding yesterday's events?"

"Yeah," Sheppard said with a puzzled frown.

"Rodney lied," Sam stated.

Sheppard gripped the back of the chair. "McKay doesn't lie," he growled.

"This time he did John," Carter said. "He didn't trip over Radek, he pulled him to safety and then he tackled Franklin and disarmed him."

"Zelenka had a concussion; he was confused about what he saw. McKay's come a long way in combat training, but he knows better then to tackle a trained and armed marine," Sheppard replied.

"So you think McKay tripped over Zelenka, fell on top of Franklin and dumb luck managed to keep him from being gutted until the other marines arrived," Carter said sarcastically.

"Hey!" Sheppard protested at Carters tone. "McKay doesn't lie, if that's what he said happened, then that's the way it happened."

Carter sighed. "I'm sorry John; I just assumed that you would have known what McKay's been up to. Why he's changed."

"What do you mean 'been up to?' Been up to what?" Sheppard queried.

Carter paused, she had been so certain that Sheppard would know what was wrong with McKay, it had never occurred to her that Sheppard won't have noticed, would not have known.

"All seven marines in the jumper bay at the time of the incidient confirmed that McKay had disarmed Franklin before they reached him. None of them seemed surprised that McKay had been able to do it. Granted if the marines hadn't arrived when they did, McKay would probably have got his ass kicked, but the fact remains that McKay, through surprise and training, disarmed Franklin," Carter explained.

Sheppard moved to sit back down in the chair he had abandoned. He went to speak but Carter cut him off.

"McKay has been joining in with Lorne's daily exercise routine for the past six weeks. Sergeant Davis confirmed that McKay has joined his combat training sessions for the last four weeks. Lieutenant Sharma also confirmed that McKay has attended weapons training for the last three weeks." Carter paused, looking at the astonishment on Sheppard's face. "Zelenka, Miko, Rogers, Simpson, Paterson, the list goes on of all of McKay's staff who have come to see me regarding the change in his behavior. Concern, not complaints." She stressed.

She looked at Sheppard who looked shell shocked.

"I didn't realize," he said softly. "I just thought he …he," Sheppard trailed to a stop, he looked down at his hands.

"You thought he was getting over Katie?" Sam asked.

Sheppard's head shot up. "You know?"

"I've had too many people come and see me over this. I worked back from what happened in the jumper bay. The only notable event that occurred around the time McKay started to change was the lockdown," Carter explained. "I talked with Katie."

"Oh"

"John, I think there is more going on then Rodney getting over the loss of a relationship. He has had a complete personality change; he's gone from rude and sarcastic to polite and friendly." Sam said.

"How the hell did I miss this?" he asked sadly. "I just thought…"

"McKay's not an easy guy to get to know," Sam said wryly.

Sheppard shot up out of chair, pacing the length of the room. "But that's it, I know McKay. He's my teammate, my friend. I'm meant to be his friend," Sheppard said angrily. "Dammit, dammit all to hell," he swore, he turned towards Carter. "I never missed it, I never noticed it was gone," he slumped back into the chair. "The most sarcastic man in the galaxy and I didn't notice it had gone."

He jumped back up from the chair, pacing again.

"How the hell can I have missed it all?" Sheppard pondered, he look at Sam. "He's been training with Lorne and Davis, he must have got fitter, trimmer … I haven't noticed. Some friend I am," he whispered, as he sat back down again.

"John, don't beat yourself up. We don't expect the unexpected from McKay, we…" Sam started, as John exploded from the chair again.

"Yes we do," he said. "We expect McKay to pull miracles out of his ass every time this city is threatened. We expect the impossible out of him and he has never failed. Never." Sheppard said angrily, he started pacing again.

"Zelenka saw it. Rodney's staff saw it. But not me, not you, not until others pointed it out. We never expect McKay to be anything other than McKay, but he's the one amongst us all who's changed the most." Sheppard stopped in his pacing and faced Carter. "I had a hell of a time getting him to hold a gun, let alone fire one, when we first came here and now …." Sheppard starting pacing again "…. now he carries a 9 mil and a P90 like they're part of him. He's a hell of a shot too. I've put him on point, he's taken our six." Sheppard sat back down. "I trust him with my life in a firefight." Sheppard said wearily.

"John, people have had to adapt being out here. Rodney has had to learn to defend himself, support his team ….." Carter started to reply.

Sheppard shook his head, leaning forward in the chair, his arms leaning on his legs. "That's not what I'm getting at Sam," he interrupted. "McKay is the only scientist on Atlantis who can fire a P90; he's the only one who carries a P90 for God's sake. He can strip it down and re-assemble it faster then most of the marines. I can rely on him to protect the team. But me, Ronon, Teyla, we don't know squat about Ancient or Wraith technology; we rely on McKay to fix whatever needs fixing, to decipher things. He's the only one here who belongs in both camps, scientist and military," Sheppard said.

"Well, I don't know about the only one," Carter said.

Sheppard gave a small smile. "You're Air Force Sam, you and McKay are as smart as each other, but McKay spent all his life, up until four years ago, working in labs. The most dangerous thing he did, besides not blowing up experiments, was avoiding citrus."

Sheppard looked at his watch and stood up.

"I'll fix this Sam. I'll get to the bottom of it and I'll fix it. I'll get McKay back," he promised.

"John," Carter said, also standing up. "I don't think it's that simple, a person doesn't have a 180 degree personality change without having some serious issues. We need to look at ways to help McKay. Perhaps some vacation time, some time back the SGC …." Carter explained.

"You think he's gone insane?" Sheppard asked calmly, a little too calmly.

"I'm just saying that I don't think this is as easy to fix as you think it is," Sam replied.

"No, it probably won't be," Sheppard said, "we are talking about McKay after all," he smiled. "But Atlantis is his home; some of us are his family. We'll fix it. I'll fix it," Sheppard promised, he looked down at this watch again. "I've gotta go."

Carter nodded as she sat back down.

"Go get the real McKay back," she said to Sheppard's departing back.


	6. Chapter 6

_Bring on the Wraith_

Ronon was half way through his meal when he saw Sheppard walk into the mess hall and join the queue, he acknowledged Sheppard's look with a nod.

Ronon shoveled more food into his mouth, watching Sheppard look towards the doors, he could see the waves of tension coming off the man from where he sat at the back of the room and Ronon knew why, McKay.

Ronon had seen it coming for weeks, he had seen looks of concern and confusion being tossed towards McKay first from Lorne, than Zelenka, Davis, Sharma, some of McKay's lab rats, even Teyla and he knew why.

McKay had changed.

Ronon hadn't really cared one way or another to start with. McKay was still his friend, his teammate. Then Ronon had seen a great benefit to the new McKay, he became stronger, more coordinated, more flexible, McKay finally mastered the use of the sticks. Ronon always knew McKay had the ability and he had known that if McKay's life or any of the team lives were in danger, he would have fought like a cornered wounded animal. All the training he had received would suddenly snap into place because he would shut that huge brain off and rely on his instincts, something Ronon had never been able to get him to do in the training rooms.

But for the last few weeks, Ronon had really been able to spar with McKay. He remembered the day McKay walked into the training room for their session, dropped his towel and water bottle, picked up a set of sticks and moved to stand opposite the waiting Ronon, nothing unusual there. But instead of the look of put-on misery McKay usual wore, he had smiled and for the first time ever initiated an attack. Ronon was taken completely by surprise and it had taken several minutes of sparing before he had disarmed McKay and McKay had just continued to improve.

Then he noticed how others were looking at McKay, he started to hear whispers and rumors and in his own way he had found things out. McKay's training sessions with Lorne, Davis and Sharma, his relaxed attitude in the labs. He had also seen Zelenka's looks of dismay and despair whenever he thought no one was looking, he had seen Lorne's frown of concern and he had seen the looks of disbelief on McKay's staff.

Ronon hadn't understood their worry or concern. McKay was fitter, stronger, more agile, more committed to learning fighting tactics, all good things as far as he was concerned. Until Teyla had pointed it out to him. McKay wasn't being McKay, the others were concerned because McKay's personality had changed completely, virtually overnight he had gone from their snarky, put up on teammate to someone who was polite and helpful. Teyla had looked at him sadly when she stated that McKay wasn't a warrior like her, him or Sheppard, but a scientist. Ronon finally understood.

He and Teyla had been born in the shadow of the Wraith. They learnt early to defend themselves, their families, their people, their homeland. They quickly learnt that the stories told to them as young children were not to frighten them or a threat if they were naughty, but true tales of the horrors that awaited them. From a too young age, they mastered the art of the warrior's way.

Shepherd was a warrior also; he had learnt to defend himself, his country, not from an alien threat, but aggression from his own kind. He had seen the death of innocents, of comrades, of the enemy and he had killed to defend what was his, to protect those who could not protect themselves. Since coming to this galaxy Shepherd had embraced all that Ronon and Teyla could teach him in their way of war.

But McKay wasn't a warrior; he hadn't needed to be one. He had had no need to learn to defend himself, to defend others. Until he had come to Atlantis.

Ronon's first impression of McKay hadn't been favorable and the more he had dealt with him the less he liked. To Ronon he had been a weakling, unfit, soft, he talked incessantly of his own concerns and comfort; he relied on others for his safety and protection. In short, he was a coward. Ronon had often been puzzled as to why Sheppard would allow such a man on his team.

However, Ronon had quickly learnt McKay's value, his ability to make dead technology leap to life, to turn the most innocent of substances into weapons. In a few short weeks, Ronon had revised his opinion of McKay, when his back was against the wall, when the lives of others depended on him coaxing life out of damaged technology or to make bobby traps, McKay came through, always. He was a different kind of warrior. Ronon liked the word Sheppard had used to describe McKay, after Sheppard had also explained its meaning, wizard.

But over the years McKay had become a warrior, he was an excellent shot with the P90 or handgun. Although he would still talk incessantly, he became more aware of his surroundings when on off world missions and knew when to talk and when not to. He learnt how to track, to make camp, how to ambush the enemy. McKay learnt to kill more than just the Wraith.

Ronon had forgotten all that. When McKay had suddenly mastered the sticks and close combat techniques, he had been elated. McKay had become the warrior Ronon had tried to teach him to be. Ronon only saw it as a good thing. A more effective fighter, another crusader against the Wraith.

Teyla's sadly spoken words made Ronon realize how wrong he was. McKay had always been a fighter, a warrior. Just a different kind. He fought with different weapons. McKay could blow up an entire Wraith ship, wiping out hundreds of Wraith in one go, destroying the Queen and allowing the captured humans to die quickly, instead of in terror and torment. McKay could make explosives and bombs; he could write and download viruses, crippling advanced technology. McKay might not have been physically able to defeat an armed enemy, but his knowledge and ability to learn fast gave him weapons that Ronon knew he would never understand.

No, Ronon finally understood why everyone was so worried.

Gone was the fearful man. The man that had to be yelled at, bullied, threatened, coerced into coming up with an idea that would kill the enemy, save the innocent and get the team back to Atlantis, no matter how small the chances for success and all the while talking of their impending doom.

Gone was the arrogance, the sarcasm, that made marine and scientist alike flinch, but got the job done, faster, more effectively, never allowing for anything but one hundred percent effort.

In its place was a fit, trained man. Friendly to all, considerate and charming.

Ronon felt a shudder run up his spine. Yes, he finally understood. This new McKay might be committed to fighting, fit, coordinated, easy on the ears, but Ronon knew that for all that they might have gained; they had lost something very important, something very vital.

Somewhere, somehow they had lost the real McKay.

He looked up when Sheppard sat down opposite him. Sheppard leaning in close, casting another look at the mess doors, before facing Ronon.

"You noticed anything different about McKay lately?" he asked.

"Yeah," Ronon replied sadly.

* * *

_Apologies for the long delay. My computer has been in hospital and unfortunately this story was a casualty of it's "fatal error" illness, so I had to rewrite it. Also many thanks for the wonderful reviews, again apologies for not replying to all._

_One more chapter I think, sorry what was that, you want more Teyla? some action? some physical whumping? more angst? No promises but I'll see what I can do. :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_The warriors way isn't always the best way_

Teyla walked down the corridor making her way to the mess hall by way of Rodney's lab. She was honest enough with herself to confess that her pregnancy was starting to make her weary. She walked around parts of the city everyday in an attempt to keep toned and fit, her walk often taking her pass the labs to fetch Rodney so they could walk to lunch together.

She had always enjoyed Rodney's company, although many found him abrupt and rude, she had found his way refreshing. Rodney's words were honest. Most of the time they were ill timed, condescending and rude, but the words were how Rodney saw the situation, his words held no malice or spite. Teyla had spent a lifetime looking for the right words to say at the right time, the words to defuse a situation, to gain a profitable trade. Not a single word left her lips until its possible reaction by others was considered. She envied Rodney's freedom to speak his mind, even it if did get him and her, Ronon and Colonel Sheppard into many difficult situations.

Many had been surprised that Teyla had forged a friendship with Doctor McKay, but it was not just the wise use of words that Teyla knew. She knew the art of negotiation and the long learnt experience of seeing what was hidden, of seeing behind the friendly smiles, the charm and seeing the dark truth hidden beneath. In Rodney she had seen behind the prickly exterior and had seen the socially awkward man, who, for all his intelligence, was unable to understand friendship.

Many considered that Rodney did not lie, was incapable of the act. Teyla knew differently. Rodney could lie, just very poorly. A stranger would probably not notice, but with someone who knew him well it was obvious, the hesitation before the words left his mouth, the downward shift of his eyes, the slight blush on his cheeks. No, Rodney could not lie to those who knew him well. He could do miss-direction very well though. He could totally avoid a question, with a flurry of words, he would change the subject and by the time you managed to get a word in, you had forgotten your original intent.

She had noticed a falseness in him these past few weeks, his words were measured, thought out, polite, even charming. She had found the change alarming. Although this Rodney was nice and pleasant, she did not like it. She was accustomed to the loud, brash, arrogant man who would walk along by her side, expounding on theories that she did not understand or bemoaning the fact that he was surrounded by idiots and what latest disaster they had caused that he had narrowly diverted. She had even become accustomed to having him use her as a threat. She had overheard him many times over the years berating members of the military, threatening to send Teyla after them to "kick their ass" if they ever did again whatever it was that Rodney was berating them for. Teyla had spoken to Rodney and told him she knew what he was doing and that is was inappropriate. He had been unconcerned but had promised her that he would never sic her onto anyone he thought she could not take down. Teyla had given up.

Teyla stopped just outside Rodney's lab, watching as Doctor Zelenka argued with Rodney. Both of them standing with their backs to the door, facing a white board, Doctor Zelenka was clearly agitated, his arms waving, fingers pointing at the board. Rodney stood there calmly, a hand reaching out and clasping Doctor Zelenka's shoulder, his movements calm and assured, Teyla could hear Doctor Zelenka's words clearly, they were loud and annoyed, she could not catch Rodney's words , but his tone was pleasant. She watched as Doctor Zelenka shrugged out of Rodney's hold and stormed to the door, yelling loudly in his own language, he turned as he reached the door, his finger pointing at Rodney:

"You are killing yourself Rodney," he yelled out. "You cannot be this man you try to be." He gestured towards the board. "You make mistake. A mistake you would never have made if you were real Rodney McKay. You will kill us all." He turned and left the lab, giving Teyla a quick embarrassed look before marching off, mumbling Czech curses under his breath, or so Teyla assumed.

"Teyla, is it lunchtime already?" Rodney greeted.

"Yes, it is," Teyla confirmed, as she moved into the lab. "Doctor Zelenka seemed most upset," she queried.

"Ah, yes," Rodney said. "Unfortunately I made an error in one of the calculations for the new generator energy modifications, luckily Radek spotted it, or we would have been in trouble," Rodney explained.

And there, Teyla thought sadly, laid the proof of all her worries. Rodney had changed, and the change was not a good one, even if it seemed so on the surface. Not only had Rodney calmly accepted that he had made a mistake, but he had made one in the first place.

Teyla had seen Rodney do amazing things over the years. She had seen him write line after line of computer code, in Ancient and Wraith. She had seen him bring life to machines long dead, to work on technology he had never encountered before and to not only understand it but to use it to save their lives, all of it under pressure, with disaster and death only moments away, and he had never yet failed.

She knew that he could make mistakes, that he did make mistakes, but from the way Doctor Zelenka acted this was not one of those times. These calculations should have been easy for Rodney McKay.

When Ronon had proudly told her that McKay had mastered the sticks, his words had alarmed her. She had sadly pointed out to Ronon, that although McKay had mastered the sticks, had Ronon mastered Ancient technology. Ronon had looked at her grimly as understanding had dawned. McKay had been taught to defend himself, something he had never had to do before and he had learnt well. But McKay was the only one who understood the technology they encountered on their missions. She, Ronon and Sheppard had all pushed McKay into learning to defend himself, but they had never pushed themselves to learn about Ancient or Wraith technology. Only Rodney had mastered both.

But these past few weeks he had suddenly started to master techniques that she, Ronon and Sheppard had been trying to teach him for years. He had suddenly taken an interest in those around him, conversations no longer revolved around him. Where once it had been so simple to read McKay's mood, now he gave nothing away. His thoughts and feelings were no longer on display. It was if one Rodney McKay had simply disappeared and been replaced with a different version. But the new McKay was more warrior then scientist and that caused Teyla a great deal of worry.

Rodney walked to her side, taking her arm and threading it through his, "Shall we see what delights they have for us today?" he asked as he escorted her out of the lab.

They walked from the lab, Rodney matching Teyla's pace, as he asked her questions about Athosian culture. Teyla felt the sting of tears as she walked alongside. She did not want this, she did not want this man who took her by the arm so confidently, who chose a conversation that would interest her, who walked diligently by her side. She wanted the real Doctor Rodney McKay who would launch into unfathomably speeches, arms constantly moving, who would suddenly realize that she was no longer at his side and would trot back to her with an embarrassed blushed, before starting all over again.

She knew she was being unreasonable, but she could not stop a small surge of hated well up towards the man at her side.

This fit, trim man, confident and charming with an easy smile, was a stranger too her.


	8. Chapter 8

Sheppard looked at Ronon in shock.

"You knew?" he said. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't ask," Ronon replied, scooping up more food.

"What the hell Ronon," Sheppard snapped, pushing his tray away. "McKay turns into some super nice ninja and you didn't think to say anything?"

Ronon looked up from his meal putting his fork down. "Why didn't you notice?" he growled.

Sheppard opened his mouth to snap out an angry reply and sighed instead, his shoulders slumping. "What the hell is going on? What's got into him?" he asked quietly.

"Don't know," Ronon replied. "But it's not good."

At that moment McKay walked into the mess hall with Teyla at his side, McKay letting go of her arm to pick up a couple of trays. Teyla turned to look at Ronon and Sheppard, her face slipping from a look of pleasant interest to a look of sadness. It was gone in an instant as she turned back to answer a question McKay had asked.

Sheppard looked at Ronon. "Teyla too?" he queried.

"She knew before me," Ronon confessed.

Sheppard ran a hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. "How the hell am I going fix this?" he asked, more to himself than Ronon.

"Ask him," Ronon said.

"What?"

"Ask him," Ronon repeated. "No-one's asked him what's wrong."

"It's not that simple," Sheppard said.

"Why not?"

"Because ……" Sheppard started, looking for an answer. "Because it's not," he finished.

Ronon looked at him and shrugged. "I'll ask him then."

"No you won't," Sheppard snapped, leaning forward. "I'll sort this out. I'm the team leader," he said pointing at himself.

Ronon just shrugged, picking his fork back up and continuing his meal.

"_Colonel Sheppard, please have your team report to the control room" _Chuck's voice said over the citywide intercom.

Ronon quickly shoveled up several forks full of food as he stood, following Sheppard out of the mess hall, McKay and Teyla falling in behind, after McKay had shoved two full trays of food at the nearest marine.

SGASGASGASGASGA

"We received this message from Lorne's team about four minutes ago," Carter said, nodding at Chuck to replay the message.

"_Atlantis, request urgent backup,__" _Lorne's voice said. "_Have engaged __…__._ a burst of automatic weapons fire drowned out Lorne's voice … _surrounded, came out of nowhere_…. more weapons fire …._ outnumbered.. _more weapons fire and shouting _… been hit_._ Need urgent backup now. Atlantis, do you __…_ the message ended.

"Where are they?" Sheppard demanded.

"M1G399, "Carter replied. "Routine mission. We have a trade agreement with them."

"Peterson and Bain were with Lorne's team," McKay said. "The Farrenians agreed to let us examine some ruins."

"They have always been a peaceful people," Teyla added. "My people have traded with them for many generations."

"Possible outside hostiles," Sheppard said. "Might have come through the gate."

"Chuck, dial the planet, let's get a recon from the MALP," Carter ordered.

McKay sat down at a console as the gate whooshed into life, tapping away on a laptop.

"Receiving MALP telemetry now," he said, pointing behind him at a large screen, everyone turned to look at it as the static cleared and a picture of the surrounding area came into focus.

The MALP telemetry gave nothing way. All looked peaceful. The village and ruins were just visible in the distance.

"Major Lorne this is Colonel Carter, do you copy, over?" Carter said into her radio. "Carter to Lorne, do you read, over?"

"Signals getting through loud and clear," Rodney said.

John turned to Carter. "We'll do a sweep with a cloaked jumper. I'll take a couple of teams of marines."

Carter nodded her agreement. "Chuck, get Baker and Rosta's teams to report to the Jumper bay." She turned to look at John. "I want an initial report fifteen minutes after you've gone through the gate. Go suit up."

SGASGASGASGASGASGA

The jumper cloaked as soon as it cleared the event horizon, gaining height as it flew towards the village.

"Life signs?" John asked.

"Multiple," Rodney answered. "High concentration in the village, naturally. Some spread out signs from the surrounding woodland." The HUD flickered to life, Rodney pointed to a series of dots as he glanced towards John. "Approximately fifteen life signs at the ruins," he said.

"Fifteen. Take out Lorne's team and your two guys, leaves us nine hostiles," John commented.

"We outnumber them," Ronon added, nodding his head towards the marines in the back of the jumper.

"And they have our guys as hostages," Rodney pointed out. "There are also life signs in the woods surrounding the ruins; we have no way of knowing if it's the local wildlife or hostiles or just innocent villagers. Lorne's jumper is next to the village, no life signs inside."

"I'll put her down at that clearing we just passed," John said "We can do a recon and …"

"I've found away in," McKay suddenly said.

"Where?" John demanded.

McKay twisted in his seat to face John, pulling his laptop with him. "Eight of the life signs are below ground," he explained. "I recalibrated the jumper's sensors and this," he pointed to his laptop, "is the extent of the ruins. There are several underground passageways and what I assume are rooms." He tapped at a section of the laptop, showing a large square area. "This is where the eight life signs are, and here," his finger traced across one of the passageways, "is a back way in," he finished with a smile.

"And were it that?" John asked.

Rodney twisted in his seat again bringing the HUD back up. "There," he said indicating a large clearing. "It's about a mile from the ruins."

"Cool," John said, "I'll put the jumper down there and we can find the entrance and make our way in underground, which should ….."

"There's only one problem," Rodney said.

"What?" Ronon growled.

"I have no idea of the condition of the passageways, they may have collapsed and we don't know for certain if it's Lorne and his team."

"Well, we're about to find out," John said.


	9. Chapter 9

_Fubar_

The entrance to the underground passage had been easy enough to locate, but it had taken sometime to remove all the foliage that was growing over it so that it could be opened.

The tunnel was in fairly good condition, some tree roots had managed to push there way through the stone roof, but the tunnel looked solid enough. There were however, pillars of stone everywhere, as if the builders of the tunnels had been uncertain if the roof would remain intact, there were pillars every so many feet on either side of the tunnel and in the middle of the tunnel, making it impossible to walk in a straight line, and relying on flashlights to cut through the inky blackness gave the whole thing a nightmarish feel.

"Colonel," McKay said softly, "turn the flashlights off."

John turned back to look at McKay, a ghostly figure illuminated in the light of the life signs scanner. "Why?" he asked.

"Got two life signs heading our way," McKay replied.

"Flashlights off," John snapped to the marines and Ronon, "behind the pillars."

The tunnel was suddenly in darkness, a faint glow could be seen in the distance.

"I picked up a faint energy reading when we entered the tunnel," McKay explained in a whisper to Sheppard. "Part of the complex must have some form of light."

"The life signs you picked up are probably a patrol," Sheppard whispered back.

"Doubt they will come into this tunnel," Ronon said, as quietly as he could. "They probably already explored it and thought it was a dead end."

"Even if they did look up, the plant roots would have covered the entrance hatch from view," Sheppard added.

"They're nearly here," McKay whispered. Everyone pressed back into the walls, McKay holding the detector to his chest, extinguishing the light.

Sheppard cautiously looked around one of the pillars, seeing two shapes moving into the faint glow. They seemed to pause for a few seconds before moving off.

"McKay," Sheppard said.

McKay lowered the detector from his chest. "Moving away," he confirmed.

"Okay guys," Sheppard said, "let's head for the light at the end of the tunnel."

SGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGASGA

They paused at the end of the tunnel, staying in the shadows as McKay checked the detector.

"Eight life signs, that way," McKay said softly, pointing east. "Sixty meters."

"Rosta, you and your squad set up a perimeter, keep this tunnel clear," Sheppard ordered. "The rest of you, let's go."

They moved into the lit tunnels, moving in the direction McKay indicated, Ronon taking point. They cautiously made their way down the tunnel until Ronon suddenly stopped, signaling everyone to back up against the wall behind the pillars.

They talked silently in hand signals for a few moments, Sheppard nodding his approval. Ronon moved out from behind the pillar and advanced quickly down the tunnel, Sheppard hot on his heels.

The two guards were caught by surprise at their sudden appearance. Ronon stunning them before they even thought of bringing their weapons to bear. The first guard went down like a puppet with its string's suddenly cut. The second guard slammed against a panel near the entranceway to the room, before sliding to the floor.

The door suddenly slammed shut and a wail of an alarm began.

"Shit," Sheppard swore as he ran to the door, slapping a hand on the control panel, nothing happened. "McKay …"

"Hostiles coming in," McKay called, looking at the life signs detector. "Fast."

"Defense positions," Sheppard yelled, just as the first shot ricocheted of the pillar next to his head. "Ronon, keep that thing on stun, " he ordered, "fire above their heads," he instructed the marines, "keep them pinned down."

The noise was deafening in the confines of the tunnel, bits of stone flying in all directions as bullets hit the pillars.

Sheppard let off another quick burst before ducking behind the pillar again; he did a quick visual on the rest of the team and stared in shock as McKay sent a burst of automatic weapons fire down the tunnel.

"McKay!" he yelled. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Keeping the bad guys from killing us?" McKay shouted back.

"Get the damn door open," Sheppard yelled, indicating the door next to him. "Ronon, covering fire."

Ronon let loose a flurry of shots, as McKay dashed from one side of the tunnel to the other, joining Sheppard next to the door.

"What's gotten into you lately," Sheppard growled. "Get Lorne and the others out," he ordered, as he turned to send another burst of gunfire down the tunnel.

"They've figured it out," Ronon yelled at Sheppard. Sheppard peer around the pillar, pulling his head back quickly as a bullet hit the pillar sending up a shower of stone fragments. The quick look he got told him all he needed to know. The hostiles at the end of the tunnel had realized that they weren't being injured or killed, the bullets going above their heads, they were only being stunned.

"McKay, we're going to be over run any minute now. How's that door coming?" he asked, starting to swing round to face McKay.

"Fire in the hole!" McKay suddenly yelled.

"What the …….!" Sheppard said, spinning round to see McKay stick a fuse in a block of C4 which was molded against the door panel. "McKay! What …….?" he came to an abrupt finish as McKay grabbed him and hauled them both behind the pillar on the other side of the doorway.

McKay hit the detonator.


	10. Chapter 10

_Bombs, bullets and blood_

The noise of the explosion within the confines of the tunnels was deafening. Sheppard felt McKay move past him, he reached out and grabbed McKay's arm. "What the hell were you thinking McKay," he yelled. "You could have brought the damn roof down on us." He emphasized his point with a bruising grip on McKay's arm.

McKay looked at Sheppard's hand wrapped around his upper arm and then up at Sheppard. "It was a shaped charged John," he replied. "It was enough to blow the door mechanism ..."

"Hey! Argue later. Let's go." Ronon interrupted, as he blasted a few more shots down the tunnel, allowing Lorne and his team to exit the room.

Sheppard let go of McKay's arm and moved from behind the pillar, watching as Baker and his team ushered Lorne's team and McKay's scientists out of the room and back down the tunnels.

"Anyone hurt?" he asked.

"Nothing serious sir," Lorne replied suddenly at Sheppard's side. "Thompson got hit, but it's just a flesh wound. "

"Here," Sheppard said, handing Lorne his handgun. "Baker take point. Ronon and I will cover our six. Let's move out."

The retreat down the tunnels was fast paced, but still not fast enough to put any distance between themselves and the hostiles.

"Not going to get everyone out the tunnel before they hit us," Ronon said, emphasizing "they" with several gun blasts down the tunnel.

"I know," Sheppard replied, sharing a quick look with Ronon that said more than words. They would hold back the hostiles at the tunnel entrance, giving time for the others to get down the tunnel and out of the exit to the jumper. It was unlikely that they would make it out themselves.

They reached the entrance, the others running into the tunnel as Rosta and this team gave covering fire.

"Rosta, fall back and cover their six," Sheppard ordered, moving to take up a defensive position.

"We got it covered sir," Rosta replied between bursts of automatic gun fire.

"Fall back Rosta, "Sheppard snapped back. "That's an order."

Sheppard felt a thump in his abdomen, he looked down, running a hand across his stomach, it came away wet with blood. "Shit," he cursed aloud as pain suddenly shot through him, his knees giving way.

"Colonel Sir," Rosta said, managing to catch Sheppard before he hit the floor, dragging him to safety.

Sheppard felt pressure on his stomach, his sight wavering as pain exploded. Ronon loomed into his eye line. "…… never make it down the tunnel," he heard Ronon say.

"I've got an idea," McKay replied. "Lorne, can you keep them busy for about five minutes?"

"Not a problem Doc," Lorne said.

"We need to move Sheppard," Ronon said.

"Baker, you and your team, make sure the way to the jumper is clear. Davis, Jones, go with them and take care of the Colonel. Get him to the jumper when you get the all clear from Baker," Lorne ordered.

There was a chorus of "yes sir". Sheppard reached up and gripped Ronon's arm. "Ronon," he gritted out. "Leave me, I can ….."

"Rest easy Sheppard," Ronon interrupted. "We'll meet you at the jumper."

Hands were suddenly pulling at him, lifting him up, pain flared and burned, his eyesight wavering. The sounds of gunfire faded as he was carried down the tunnel. It occurred to him just before he passed out that no one had asked what McKay's idea was. As he passed into unconsciousness all he felt was dread.


	11. Chapter 11

_Down came the spider_

Sheppard made his way down the corridor carefully, one hand hovering over his stomach while the other had a death grip on the bottle of painkillers Keller had passed to him, along with a stern warning to head straight to his quarters and rest.

He did not intend to rest until he had spoken to McKay or Ronon, hell even Lorne. In the four days he was confined to the infirmary they had all come and visited, but none of them would give him a straight answer to what had happened after he was bundled down the tunnel. Even Carter had been elusive in her answers, telling him to get well first and they would debrief when he felt up to it.

His sense of dread and anger had only grown at each evaded question. He appeared to be the only injured one, or at least the only one that had required an extended stay in the infirmary.

Ronon had barely said five words to him, but that was pretty normal. McKay had talked non stop, which was refreshingly normal in a way. He had chatted constantly about a lab Zelenka had found while they had been away on the mission, his excitement bouncing off him in waves. John hadn't stood a chance of getting a word in edgeways.

Lorne had put in a couple of appearances but had vanished like smoke up a chimney when John had been on the verge of ordering him to give a detailed report.

So John had had little option but to make his way to McKay's lab after his release from the infirmary, because come hell or high water, someone was going to tell him what the hell happened in those tunnels before the day ended.

"Colonel Sheppard," a voice called to him, the accent making the speaker instantly recognizable.

"Hey Doc," Sheppard greeted, slowing turning round to face Zelenka.

"You have been released from infirmary, yes?" Zelenka queried, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Yep, all legal," Sheppard confirmed, rattling the bottle of painkillers for added confirmation.

"Good, good," Zelenka replied, nodding his head, "you require help to your quarters?"

"No, I'm good. In fact, I was going to go see McKay," Sheppard said.

Zelenka gave him a quick look of concern. "Rodney has returned to his quarters. New lab is very messy." Zelenka said his whole face lit up with excitement.

"Hey, that's great, I'll catch him there," Sheppard quickly said, hoping to halt a launch into the treasures the new lab held.

Zelenka gave him a long look, a mixture of concern and suspicion before nodding. "As you wish." he started to turn away, but moved to face Sheppard again. "You will fix the problem now, yes?"

Sheppard didn't even try to misunderstand Radek's meaning. "I'm going to try Doc," he replied.

"Hopefully it is not too late," Zelenka said with a hint of hostility as he turned away from Sheppard and started down the corridor, muttering in Czech.

Sheppard watched him disappear down the corridor before slowly making his way to McKay's quarters.

* * *

By the time he had reached McKay's quarters, he was starting to wish that he had followed Keller's advice, gone back to his own quarters, and rested.

His stomach was painful and his legs felt rubbery, the need to sit down was overwhelming. He activated the chime at McKay's door, leaning his head against the frame while he waited for McKay to answer. There wasn't one. He activated the chime again, still no answer.

He banged on the door. "McKay, I know you're in there, open the damn door," he shouted. Nothing. He leant his head against the door, wishing like hell that he could just get inside and lay down for a few moments. The city responded to his ATA gene and the doors slide open, causing him to stumble through them.

He gave a grateful sigh as he walked in. He headed for the bathroom, filling a glass with water before heading back and with a sigh of relief sat down on McKay's bed. He reached over to place the glass on McKay's desk, only to have it tip and spill over the papers scattered on its surface. With a muffled curse, which turned to a groan of pain as he leapt up from the bed, he snatched up the glass and pulled wads of paper away from the growing flood.

He shook the papers to try to shake off the worse of the moisture, throwing them on the bed as he pulled another wad away from the rapidly spreading water. He was about to throw the wad onto the bed next the other papers he had already saved when certain phrases leaped of the paper at him:

…_too hard …_

…_can't go on …_

…_please help me…_

He grabbed the papers in both hands, sitting down on the bed. The spilt water forgotten as he read Rodney's words. Heartbreak and despair so openly conveyed in the hastily scrawled words.

He had been sat reading for sometime, all else forgotten, even the pain from his recent wound, replaced by a new pain. One that cut to his soul as he slowly came to realize what Rodney had been trying so hard to become, what he had been trying so hard not to be.

He was so engrossed that he failed to notice that the doors of McKay's quarters had opened and McKay had entered and was staring at him, emotions flickering across his face, astonishment, worry, dread, humiliation, before settling on anger.

"What the hell are you doing Sheppard?" McKay snapped out.

Sheppard's head shot up at the words, staring up at a red faced McKay.

"Rodney," he started to say, before looking down at the papers in his hands and back up to look at McKay.

_Oh, shit!_


	12. Chapter 12

_And the truth will set you free_

McKay tore the papers from Sheppard's hands, snatching up those littering the bed before pacing the room, constantly in motion, talking all the while.

"How did you get in?" he snapped out. "This, this is private," he said, waving the papers at Sheppard. "It's personal, what gives you the right to barge in here and, and read my personal…," he paused for a moment, finally looking straight at Sheppard. "Why aren't you in the infirmary?" he asked. "Did you go AMA again?" and before Sheppard could stop him McKay had activated his radio. "McKay to Keller."

"Rodney!" Sheppard growled, taking a step towards McKay, who took a step back, holding his hand up.

"What! No, no. Have you lost Colonel Sheppard?" McKay said into his radio, totally ignoring Sheppard.

"What! You can't be serious? The man's about ready to drop!" McKay said, turning to look Sheppard up and down, who flushed under McKay's gaze, forcing himself to stand up straighter.

"McKay," he snarled again.

"Yes, well he's obviously confused because he's in my quarters. Yes, yes McKay out." McKay looked at Sheppard. "Keller says you were meant to go straight to your quarters and rest. I'll get Lorne to escort you there," he explained, rising his hand to his radio again, only to have it caught in a vice like grip. McKay shot Sheppard a surprised look.

"Rodney, I am not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on with you," Sheppard snapped out. "I have had it! No more. No more playing at being a marine. No more of this… this nice thing you got going on. What the hell is wrong with you?" Sheppard let go of McKay's wrist and snatched the papers back out of his other hand. "What the hell is all this shit?" he demanded waving the papers in McKay's face.

"Hey," McKay squawked out, grabbing back the papers. "It's nothing to do with you," he snarled. "Get out." he demanded, walking towards the door for emphasis.

Sheppard sat back down on the bed, rubbing his hands across his face before looking back up at McKay.

"Rodney, I thought you were getting over Katie," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

McKay moved away from the door. "For what?" McKay asked almost sullenly.

"For letting it get this far," Sheppard said. "Why did you blow the door?" Sheppard suddenly asked.

"What?" McKay asked, startled. "It was the quickest way to get Lorne and his team out," he explained.

"Which risked bringing down part of the tunnel, no matter how much C4 you used or how you shaped it. You knew the risk McKay, better then anyone, but you still did it. Why?" Sheppard asked.

"Because it was the quickest and easiest way. I calculated the risk, it was minimal …." McKay started to explain.

"You forgot your computer." Sheppard said.

"What?"

"You blew the door McKay, because you forgot your damn computer," Sheppard said standing up, suddenly angry. "You had no other choice, no other way of getting that door open, because you forgot your computer. Four years McKay. Four damn years and you have never forgotten it." Sheppard stepped towards McKay. "The damn thing is almost a part of you, and you forgot it. What the hell is going on with you?"

Sheppard watched in stunned amazement as McKay stood gaping like a fish for a second, before turning red with anger.

"What the hell do you want from me?" McKay suddenly yelled out. "What?" he yelled again as he started to pace up and down, hands and arms in constant motion. "I'm too arrogant, too smug, to…to…to egotistical. Can't move fast enough, can't shoot straight enough. Can't keep up, too unfit, to slow," he ranted.

Sheppard made to move towards him, opening his mouth to speak.

"No! No you don't get to interrupt," McKay rounded on him. "What the hell do you want from me? I've got fitter, I…I learnt all the moves," his hands mimicked bantos stick movements. "It wasn't easy you know. But I learnt, I learnt to do it. To make me better." He patted a hand against his chest. "More efficient, more likeable." He looked at Sheppard in dismay. "What more do you want? Just tell me, I'll do it. I'll learn it. I'll be good at it," he opened his arms in a gesture of defeat. "What do you want from me?"

"McKay … Rodney," Sheppard said, stepping slowly up to McKay. "All we've ever wanted is you. The real you."

McKay shouldered past Sheppard and sat heavily on the bed. "No you don't," he said wearily. "The real me isn't a nice person. I understand everything, except people." He looked up at Sheppard. "I…I can't tell, I don't know," he shook his head in confusion. "I just don't understand how to be a friend. I don't know what I need to do," he placed an elbow on his knee and placed his head in his hand.

"McKay, you don't have to do anything. You can't change yourself to be what other people want," Sheppard said gently. " A friend is someone who likes you warts and all."

McKay turned his head to look up at Sheppard. "I've never been popular. I don't think I've ever had a friend, not till I got to Atlantis." he gestured with his hand between himself and Sheppard, making the papers he was holding flap about. "I thought, you know, I thought we were friends, I…." he trailed off, letting his hand drop.

"Rodney, we are friends," Sheppard said. "Okay, you don't make a great first impression. You kinda grow on people. But people like you for who and what you are Rodney."

Rodney gave a snort of derision.

Sheppard sat down on the bed beside McKay. "Ronon and Teyla have missed you. Lorne and Carter too. Zelenka's been giving me a hard time over all of this," Sheppard said with a slight smile.

"I thought she loved me," Rodney suddenly said. "I thought she knew me, but she didn't. I didn't act well, when we…we were shut in the lab and it destroyed her love for me. I was that much of a jerk."

"McKay, Katie wasn't the girl for you," Sheppard said, rushing on as McKay took his head out of his hand and glared at him in astonishment. "I'm just saying that she wasn't the forever one. Look, yes you were an ass during the lock down. But someone who really knew you won't have pampered you. They would have kicked your ass into gear. They would have known that you don't do well when you've got nothing to concentrate on."

Sheppard reached for the painkillers Keller had given him, dry swallowing a couple as the pain in this stomach turned to sharp stabs of pain instead of a throbbing ache. McKay had placed his arms on his knees, his hands smoothing out the papers, missing Sheppard taking the pills.

"If you had been trapped in there with Teyla, would you have acted the same?" Sheppard asked.

"Probably," McKay answered.

"Okay," Sheppard agreed. "You would have reacted the same. But Teyla won't have let you get away with it. Because she knows you. Trust me Rodney, there's a woman out there just waiting for you. Someone who will love you for who you are."

McKay looked up form the papers he was still smoothing out to look at Sheppard. "Rodney," Sheppard said before McKay could speak. "I don't like this new you. I like the old you. The old Rodney didn't lie; you knew where you stood with him. This new version, too nice, too considerate. Makes too many mistakes in the labs, lets others make too many mistakes," Sheppard said.

Having time to think while he was laid up in the infirmary he had realized why Zelenka was so concerned about Rodney. That it took a personality like McKay's to keep people moving, working harder to find the solutions, to keep them all alive. McKay had become a barometer to scientists and marines alike, how McKay acted was like a Defcon alert. For all of his abrasive personality traits, McKay's moods brought a sense of comfort and well being to the rest of the expedition.

"You don't like me?" McKay asked with dismay.

"I like you just fine McKay," Sheppard replied, "I don't like this person you're trying to be," he flicked a hand at the papers McKay still held. "You don't either. What happened between you and Katie," Sheppard shrugged, "it happens and I'm really sorry it didn't work out. You got some issues to sort out, we all have McKay, but you can't do it by being untrue to yourself. You're going make yourself sick."

"But isn't this what you want from me?" McKay asked bewildered. "To, to be a better solider to …."

"No!" Sheppard interrupted. "Rodney, dammit! Don't you get it! We're a team," Sheppard stood up with a winch. "Like the Fantastic Four, I'm Mr Fantastic, you're the Human Torch …."

"Why am I the Human Torch?" Rodney asked in puzzlement.

Sheppard sighed in frustration; he really had to find a new analogy. "I'm the leader, Teyla's the diplomat, Ronon's the bodyguard, and you're the brains of the outfit. We're a team, we all fit. Teyla, Ronon and me are trained in combat situations, you're not. But you're not the weakest link on the team McKay."

Sheppard sat back down on the bed. "Rodney, you're not a solider and we never wanted you to be one, but you became one anyway. You're the only scientist on a front line team. You won't ever be as good as Teyla, Ronon, or me, because you have other stuff to do. You track down the energy readings, you figure out the technology, but we know that you can help defend us if need be."

Sheppard stood again. "I don't know why you didn't have friends before you came here Rodney, but I'm guessing it wasn't all your fault, because you have lots of friends here. Very worried friends."

Sheppard stepped forward and grasped Rodney's shoulder, McKay looked up. "We good?" Sheppard asked.

McKay gave a slight nod of his head. "Yeah," he said. "I just need …"he let the words trail off.

"I'll see you at lunch," Sheppard said, walking to the door, he turned round "And McKay, you ever forget your computer tablet again, I'll kick your ass," he turned back and walked through the door leaving a bewildered McKay behind.

It wasn't until he was half way to his quarters that he remember that he hadn't found out what happened after he had been injured in the tunnels.

SGASGASGASGA

_One week later_

Teyla made her way slowly through the city as she neared the end of her walk. She grew more apprehensive the closer she got to the labs. Rodney had been like a ghost the last few days, you would catch fleeting glimpses of him and then he was gone.

After John had told them that he had confronted Rodney, it had broken a dam. It had given everyone the confidence to approach McKay and tell him how they felt. Some had let their worry and concern boil over into anger, like Zelenka. Others had followed Ronon's example with a slap on the back and a nod and Teyla had expressed her feelings in her quiet diplomatic way.

Rodney had fled to the bowels of the city and had only been seen fleetingly ever since. By the third day John had organized a search party, which Colonel Carter had quickly disbanded. Carter had called them to her office, John, Teyla, Ronon, Lorne and Zelenka and told them that she had spoken to McKay and that they were to leave him alone. John had argued and Carter had finally relented that if McKay hadn't returned to the main part of the City within the next four days, they could go get him.

Tomorrow was that day and there was still no sign of McKay. She knew that he reported to Colonel Carter every twelve hours by radio and that Carter had told him of the deadline. Teyla also knew that Rodney could make himself disappear from the city sensors in a flash making finding him extremely difficult.

Teyla was so deep in thought as she approached the labs, that it took a moment for the sound of raised voices to penetrate.

"……….. in a cereal box? Start again and remember to factor in the weight ratio this time," McKay's voice said loudly.

Teyla smiled as she quickened her pace towards the lab.

"Nononono, the variation is too high….."

Teyla stood in the doorway of the lab, watching as McKay went from scientist to scientist inspecting their work. She looked across at Radek who stood with his arms folded across his chest, a huge grin on his face, which promptly disappear when McKay turned towards him.

"Radek …. Teyla! Is it lunchtime already," McKay said, looking at his watch.

"Yes, yes, you take him to lunch, so I can calm battered staff," Radek said, making shooing motions at McKay.

McKay gave Radek an annoyed glare, but joined Teyla at the lab entrance.

They left the lab together, McKay excitedly telling her of his latest find, it wasn't until he paused, obviously waiting for some sort of reply that he noticed her several steps behind. He sheepishly returned to her side.

Teyla reached out and took his arm, smiling up at him. "It is good to have you back Rodney," she smiled.

Rodney looked down at her for a moment. "It's good to be back," he replied, both knowing it wasn't his recent disappearance they were talking about.

"Wonder what's for lunch?" he said.

"I believe that it is meatloaf today," Teyla replied.

"Better take the transporter, we need to beat Ronon to it," McKay said, tugging at Teyla's arm as they headed for the transporter.

Teyla went willingly. It was good to see Rodney more like his old self. She was wise enough to know that Rodney still had a long road to travel and that there were difficulties to still overcome. But for now she was happy that Rodney was back with his team, and as a team they would face the future head on.

* * *

_My apologies for the long delay in chapters ._

_Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews_


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